Not so much.
I feel like a complete novice. The baby steps as I go through this learning process are difficult, because I expect to be immediately successful at everything. Often, when I'm not, I give up. That's not an option in this situation. For whatever reason, my daughter needs to be home, and for whatever reason, I need this experience with her. It is heartwarming and bittersweet to hear her pray in the mornings, thanking Heavenly Father for this home school opportunity, knowing that at some point during the day she will probably melt down and scream at me because she doesn't like what she's learning. I can hardly blame her. She is learning the hardest lessons there are--she's learning self control.
A few weeks ago, I pulled out my Thomas Jefferson Education and the supporting materials, trying to figure out how so structure our home school. I didn't really get very far. I did review Core Phase, which is exactly where we are at, and exactly what we need. Core Phase focuses on the most basic of basics: right vs. wrong, true vs. false, good vs. bad, relationships with family and God. Part of that, particularly for us, is self-government. Through much prayer and searching I finally got the message that THIS is why we're homeschooling. Without a solid foundation in good vs. bad, relationships, and self-government, any other learning won't get you very far. I've decided to be patient with myself, and with my daughter. But still there is a nagging feeling that I should be doing more. Fortunately, I know that feeling is not from God. It makes it easier to listen to what He IS telling me.
This phase--the tantrum phase--won't last forever. I can feel subtle changes in my daughter. She is learning. I am learning. We have much more to learn. But we have a perfect and loving Tutor. I'm learning to shut out the world's noise so I can hear the voice of the Spirit teaching me. I have had some sweet and touching experiences, both with my daughter and with my Heavenly Father.
A friend of mine shared this meme on her Facebook timeline, and it boosted my spirits. This truly is my goal when it comes to home school. (I don't have anything or anyone to attribute this to; if I find it, I'll post it later.)
I am thankful for the mentors God has sent to me, for the learning I have experienced in the last few years that has prepared me for this moment in my life. I'm at a critical juncture with my daughter. Thankfully, as unready as I feel, I know that I am ready. I know that a step in the darkness is sometimes necessary in order to get to the light.