So, I previously wrote about my experiences with visualization, and this amazing mental "journey" that I find myself on. But I didn't write about the whole thing. I only wrote up to the point where I learned that I am not quite as in control of this journey as I thought. There has been so much that has happened beyond that point.
I hadn't necessarily planned to share any of the rest of it, but this morning during my study time, an image that was so profound and instructive came to me that I wanted to write it all down...for my benefit, of course. (If you, dear reader, find value in it, too, so much the better!)
As I periodically checked in with this visualization, I found myself in mountainous areas. First, I faced huge granite cliffs that I had to climb. I struggled to climb them, especially when I saw other people climbing and summiting their own peaks. I didn't understand why things were taking me so long, and why I couldn't have the dreams that I so wanted.
The next time I checked in, I was camping in the mountains. I saw myself sitting at a campfire, receiving Divine instruction about my journey. I remember feeling so anxious to get moving on the next leg of the journey, as well as being extremely concerned about some perceived needs in my life at the time. The most memorable part of this particular point was a very stern instruction I received: "I will GIVE you those things you think you need, but you MUST learn this!" The particular lesson in question was about unity with my spouse. I COULD NOT move on effectively without it. This lesson has been so important, and I feel so inadequate as I continue to learn it, but I have also discovered that throughout the learning process, my attitude and my intention to be united is far more important than my actual success.
Sometimes as I have checked in, I've struggled to get a sense of where I am in the journey. I can't exactly see clearly. I can tell, for instance, that I have moved on from one destination, but I can't identify that I am in another yet. It seemed like this lack of clarity about my current location lasted for a while between this and the next destination.
Finally, I saw a castle, large and ancient, and quite fortress-like, nestled in the mountains. It reminded me immediately of Hogwarts from the Harry Potter movies. I found myself inside, and it was all empty. My job while here was to study and prepare, and wait for people to come. Who, I did not know. But I would teach them. Approximately the same time in real life, I started studying with TJEd, which is a home school community. I had learned about this home school method some 13 or so years earlier, when my oldest child was about three. I felt driven to be a part of this community and to learn from these amazing mentors, even though my school-aged children were all in public school, and there were no plans to bring them home. I loved it. I still love it, and am about to start another one of their programs. I didn't think about what application it had in my life, other than I loved learning for ME (a critical part of being a great teacher, btw), so even when I thought I might need to stop the program due to changes in my life's circumstances, I continued to get the lessons so I could work at my own pace.
Some time later (again, IRL), I could see the financial need for me to return to work. I have been so set against teaching in a public school for so long (in fact, my intent when I completed the Teacher Ed program in college was to start my own private school), but I could see that my heart was softening toward it. Finally, I realized that one of our main family goals, to completely eliminate our debt, could happen very quickly if I had a full time job. And eliminating our debt was something that my husband and I both felt strongly we needed to do (unity!). But with me not having a job, we were struggling to make ends meet anymore (kids get really expensive as they get older!), and my seventeen years as a stay-at-home-mom were beginning to wear on me. I felt so ineffective as a home manager. And there were needs that we could not meet without more income. In addition, my three-year-old needed more than I felt I could give. Trying to meet his needs and energy level all day every day was taking a toll on me emotionally. I found a fantastic nature-based preschool in the area that I knew would be perfect for him, but again, it cost money.
In my visualization, I knew that this castle was a place of learning for the people who I would teach. I felt when I taught Genius Bootcamp that that experience was part of it. But it was not enough. Mostly, I saw myself alone in this huge palace. I recognized that I had hurried on without my husband, without my family. I would never, even if I taught a million people here, feel completely fulfilled if my sweetheart and my children were not with me. I started out to find them (I thought I would have to follow my previous--long!--path until I found them. I discovered that there are many paths leading to the castle, and I found all of them almost instantly. And what a happy journey we are on!)
So this morning, I found myself awake early with a jumble of thoughts about my new goals of public school teaching, and an understanding of my unique perspective because of my past experiences. How to bring them together? I used to see my views about education as being antithetical to public education, and that I could never teach in public school because I wouldn't fit the system's mold. Now I see that my perspective and my voice is needed, and that the people that need my influence--children and adults--are in public school. I see myself now as a great asset to that environment. Still, the "how" is a bit of a question for me. That's when my visualization popped into my mind.
I saw the castle again. Again, it struck me how similar it was to Hogwarts. At that moment it hit me that it WAS Hogwarts--a school for youth 11-17 (ish) years old to come and learn about their unique abilities, and how to use them effectively in a chaotic world where most people cannot see their special gifts. They will be trained up to be a force for good in a decaying world. It also occurred to me that I might just be the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher--helping them to learn how to effectively battle the adversary (I'm definitely a Lupin, not an Umbridge--except that I'm not a ware wolf, haha!).
Finally, I felt so amazed and grateful at how the Lord speaks to me. It's unique to me. It uses "language" that I can understand. I'm so happy to know what (in part) the future holds, and to view it with excitement and eager anticipation. I'm so thankful for the years of preparation, when I thought that all my dreams had been taken away. I'm so thankful for the Lord's loving patience as I learn hard lessons, and that every one of these lessons blesses and benefits my life and the lives of others as I seek the good in them. Life is so wonderful!
And things are about to get very exciting!
I hadn't necessarily planned to share any of the rest of it, but this morning during my study time, an image that was so profound and instructive came to me that I wanted to write it all down...for my benefit, of course. (If you, dear reader, find value in it, too, so much the better!)
As I periodically checked in with this visualization, I found myself in mountainous areas. First, I faced huge granite cliffs that I had to climb. I struggled to climb them, especially when I saw other people climbing and summiting their own peaks. I didn't understand why things were taking me so long, and why I couldn't have the dreams that I so wanted.
The next time I checked in, I was camping in the mountains. I saw myself sitting at a campfire, receiving Divine instruction about my journey. I remember feeling so anxious to get moving on the next leg of the journey, as well as being extremely concerned about some perceived needs in my life at the time. The most memorable part of this particular point was a very stern instruction I received: "I will GIVE you those things you think you need, but you MUST learn this!" The particular lesson in question was about unity with my spouse. I COULD NOT move on effectively without it. This lesson has been so important, and I feel so inadequate as I continue to learn it, but I have also discovered that throughout the learning process, my attitude and my intention to be united is far more important than my actual success.
Sometimes as I have checked in, I've struggled to get a sense of where I am in the journey. I can't exactly see clearly. I can tell, for instance, that I have moved on from one destination, but I can't identify that I am in another yet. It seemed like this lack of clarity about my current location lasted for a while between this and the next destination.
Finally, I saw a castle, large and ancient, and quite fortress-like, nestled in the mountains. It reminded me immediately of Hogwarts from the Harry Potter movies. I found myself inside, and it was all empty. My job while here was to study and prepare, and wait for people to come. Who, I did not know. But I would teach them. Approximately the same time in real life, I started studying with TJEd, which is a home school community. I had learned about this home school method some 13 or so years earlier, when my oldest child was about three. I felt driven to be a part of this community and to learn from these amazing mentors, even though my school-aged children were all in public school, and there were no plans to bring them home. I loved it. I still love it, and am about to start another one of their programs. I didn't think about what application it had in my life, other than I loved learning for ME (a critical part of being a great teacher, btw), so even when I thought I might need to stop the program due to changes in my life's circumstances, I continued to get the lessons so I could work at my own pace.
Some time later (again, IRL), I could see the financial need for me to return to work. I have been so set against teaching in a public school for so long (in fact, my intent when I completed the Teacher Ed program in college was to start my own private school), but I could see that my heart was softening toward it. Finally, I realized that one of our main family goals, to completely eliminate our debt, could happen very quickly if I had a full time job. And eliminating our debt was something that my husband and I both felt strongly we needed to do (unity!). But with me not having a job, we were struggling to make ends meet anymore (kids get really expensive as they get older!), and my seventeen years as a stay-at-home-mom were beginning to wear on me. I felt so ineffective as a home manager. And there were needs that we could not meet without more income. In addition, my three-year-old needed more than I felt I could give. Trying to meet his needs and energy level all day every day was taking a toll on me emotionally. I found a fantastic nature-based preschool in the area that I knew would be perfect for him, but again, it cost money.
In my visualization, I knew that this castle was a place of learning for the people who I would teach. I felt when I taught Genius Bootcamp that that experience was part of it. But it was not enough. Mostly, I saw myself alone in this huge palace. I recognized that I had hurried on without my husband, without my family. I would never, even if I taught a million people here, feel completely fulfilled if my sweetheart and my children were not with me. I started out to find them (I thought I would have to follow my previous--long!--path until I found them. I discovered that there are many paths leading to the castle, and I found all of them almost instantly. And what a happy journey we are on!)
So this morning, I found myself awake early with a jumble of thoughts about my new goals of public school teaching, and an understanding of my unique perspective because of my past experiences. How to bring them together? I used to see my views about education as being antithetical to public education, and that I could never teach in public school because I wouldn't fit the system's mold. Now I see that my perspective and my voice is needed, and that the people that need my influence--children and adults--are in public school. I see myself now as a great asset to that environment. Still, the "how" is a bit of a question for me. That's when my visualization popped into my mind.
I saw the castle again. Again, it struck me how similar it was to Hogwarts. At that moment it hit me that it WAS Hogwarts--a school for youth 11-17 (ish) years old to come and learn about their unique abilities, and how to use them effectively in a chaotic world where most people cannot see their special gifts. They will be trained up to be a force for good in a decaying world. It also occurred to me that I might just be the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher--helping them to learn how to effectively battle the adversary (I'm definitely a Lupin, not an Umbridge--except that I'm not a ware wolf, haha!).
Finally, I felt so amazed and grateful at how the Lord speaks to me. It's unique to me. It uses "language" that I can understand. I'm so happy to know what (in part) the future holds, and to view it with excitement and eager anticipation. I'm so thankful for the years of preparation, when I thought that all my dreams had been taken away. I'm so thankful for the Lord's loving patience as I learn hard lessons, and that every one of these lessons blesses and benefits my life and the lives of others as I seek the good in them. Life is so wonderful!
And things are about to get very exciting!
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