The Truth about BFFs

My ten year old daughter had two BFFs this year (yes, had. So much for the last "F"). In all fairness to her, the termination of her relationship with these BFFs was not her doing or theirs, it was mine. After several trips to the principal's office for these three, the principal, their teacher, the other moms, and I all decided it was time to call it quits on behalf of these children. Oh, there was weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth, running away, and extremely loud, unkind words as my daughter entered the very depths of despair, but miraculously, within a couple of weeks—even days, the sweet daughter I had known pre-BFFs was back. I don't believe that it was the BFFs fault for my daughter's BFF behavior, but outside of BFF influences, she has been able to get in touch with her true self and do what she knows to be right, rather than allowing another person or relationship define her.
But post BFF life has not been all peaches and roses. Without her BFFs, my daughter has struggled, feeling very alone and friendless. I have come to detest every commercially produced bit of "BFF" merchandise, and there is a lot of it, because I believe that it is promoting a culture of cliques and exclusion. While my daughter was steeped in this BFF culture, it didn't matter what was good, honorable, or right, it only mattered what BFFs did or thought. Her decisions were all based on what BFFs liked, did, or wanted, to the detriment of her own character sometimes. And that is what I see as the problem with BFFs in general—a young girl with a BFF too often puts all her faith in someone who is too young and fallible to be constantly reliable. I am not against good friends—they are critical! But the truth of the matter is, there is only one BFF who can truly be all three: Best, Friend, and Forever. Who? Our Savior, Jesus Christ.
It's been tricky to figure out what to do, to find the root of the problem. In moments of despair on behalf of my daughter, I wondered fleetingly if maybe our family should move. But the solution to the problem lies not in removing the BFFs from my daughters' life (although stepping in to end the friendship was a necessary part of it). The real problem (and therefore the real solution) lies within my daughter. In talking with the mother of one of the other girls, I felt distinctly that the real problem is one with two roots. Problem #1—my daughter (many girls, actually) doesn't know enough about her worth to stand up to those who would diminish her, and problem #2—I don't know (or believe) enough about my OWN worth to be the example she needs in helping her learn to love herself and stand up for who she is and what she believes.
Lucky for me, the Lord has provided me the means to solve the problem. I was recently called as a Relief Society teacher , and my first lesson just a few weeks ago was on charity. I felt very impressed as I studied for this particular lesson that the commandment to "love thy neighbor as thyself" means that we must first love ourselves, before we can truly love our neighbor. If we do not love ourselves, we cannot keep this commandment. The key to loving ourselves is loving the Savior. For my next lesson a few weeks later, I was to teach the sisters about talents. As I studied the lesson, I was impressed to look at the Personal Progress Program for the Young Women. What an amazing, inspired program! Here is a roadmap for accomplishing exactly what I want to achieve, both for my daughter and for myself. But I never completed my goals and earned my reward as a young woman. And my daughter is not old enough to begin the Personal Progress Program. Am I doomed to miss out on the blessings of this program, at least until my daughter is YW age?
The adversary is hard at work on the women of the church. The less adequate he can make us feel, the more overwhelmed or distracted he can make us, the better for his purposes, but not for ours or the Lords. Our Heavenly Father wants us to feel empowered, filled with faith, and equal—with the Savior's help—to the tasks at hand. Which brings me back to BFFs.
That, incidentally, is where Mom's weakness lies, too (Mom being me and many other mothers of girls who struggle with self-esteem). Until Mom has learned to rely completely upon the Savior, she doesn't know how to help her daughter through the challenges of life. We must do more than just know about Him, we have to develop a relationship with Him, one where we call upon Him daily, both to express gratitude and plead for help. We need to understand the role and magnitude of the Atonement in our lives. Until we do, how can we help these young girls who struggle?
Which brings me back to Personal Progress. In studying for my talents lesson, I went to LDS.org to look up information from the Personal Progress book. I discovered that Personal Progress can all be tracked online now, and that leaders and parents are encouraged to participate in the program with the girls they have stewardship over. I wondered if I could just do Personal Progress for my own benefit. I can, and I can even track it online. And while my daughter may be too young for the program yet, she has goals to work on through the Faith in God program. I can work on those goals with her.
The point of Personal Progress isn't jewelry. The point of Personal Progress is to introduce us to our real and only BFF—our Savior. At some point in our lives, all our mortal BFFs will fail us in one way or another—they hurt our feelings, let us down, offend, move away, or simply cannot be everything we need at the time. That's okay, they're mortal. And our Father didn't leave us BFF-less, we just have to recognize that ONLY with Jesus Christ as our BFF can we do and be all that we are meant to be, and endure all that this life will throw at us.